Nobody is supposed to make me feel again. Not after the last one.I’m not supposed to try again, this wasn’t supposed to happen.But here I am ... trying ... again.I was scared that if I let him inside of me, not just my body, but my heart and soul, it would turn out like the rest. I was scared because he was different than the others, he wasn’t after my body alone, he was after all of me, every flaw and perfection, every fight, every moment that he and he alone brought out in me and nobody had ever accomplished what he had in just a short time.Normally when he’d try to captivate me, he’d kiss me, he’d kiss me until our lips would part, our tongues would dance and just as it started to get too heavy and put a single toe over the line, I’d tense, freeze, and back away.I hated being so scared.But tonight? Tonight was different.His beard had been coming in, his scruffy face just long enough to rub my lips slightly raw when we kissed, to burn me just enough that I’d feel that last kiss for. I kept looking at Queen Nicotina.That is my miracle, Queen of Cigars. Make Janice a cigar smoker. Dothat, and I will worship you all the days of my life. Fail to do it, andyou are just something that a crazy old coot painted on the wall."It looks like another storm is trying to brew up out there," Ruth said,as she walked back to her seat behind the cash register. "It might be asbad as the one that drove you in here in the first place."I stood up."I'll try to get home before the rain lets go," I said. I walked over tothe counter. "Could I buy another Macanudo?" Sure." Ruth quickly rang me up. "One cigar on Saturday no longerenough for you?" This one is for a friend," I said.I looked up at Queen Nicotina."It will be a special occasion."Chapter Four: I Get What I WantFive o'clock rolled around. I saved my document, another mailing list,and shut my word processor off.I looked across the office and saw Janice doing the same.I took a breath. Would Queen Nicotina come through for.
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